mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
