I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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