He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
