I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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