please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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