Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
