For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
