This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
