So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
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