my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
