brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
