What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
