I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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