I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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