Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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