Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
