3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
