She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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