So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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