why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
