I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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