i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
