Barsexuality is the new black.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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