this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
