This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
