She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
