I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Do vagina's smell?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
