It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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