then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize