i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
