the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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