dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
