I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
