i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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