As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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