please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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