I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Me. At least after what I've been through.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
