I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
