I could have mohawked her pubes.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
