Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
