i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
