Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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