Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
