Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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