I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
