The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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