just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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