I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
