i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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