so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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