Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
