I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
